Don't Get Stuck in Someone Else's Mud

Years ago, I dashed in to see my mentor, flustered by the challenges I was facing with a coworker. In great detail, I described the situation, sharing some of the ugly things that had been said to me. When I was finished, I waited. I was awaiting what amounted to her consolation and maybe even her sympathy. Yet to my surprise, my mentor’s response was the exact opposite.  She said in her quiet, yet direct voice, “Why did you get stuck in someone else’s mud?”

I looked at her, speechless, digesting her response and pondering her question – both were so far from what I wanted to hear.  I took a deep breath to give over my disappointment to her response and slowly answered, “I don’t know what you mean. This person said these things to me… how dare they…why would they?”

Then, somewhere, in my defensive banter, my mentor waved her hands and interjected, “Why did you get stuck in their mud?” 

“We are all humans,” she said. “We all have different emotions, feelings, experiences, uncertainties and purposes.  So the question becomes, why did you respond the way you did? Why are you getting stuck in the mud, when you can be doing what you were called to do? Why are you allowing someone else’s negative comments to influence you? Have you lost your way?”

The message was loud and clear. It was so obvious. In life, we will have many ups and downs. We will face many challenges, yet if we remain true to what we believe in and find joy in all things, we can avoid “getting stuck in someone else’s mud.”  

The more we choose to trust in our heartfelt dreams, the easier it is to jump clear over the mud and spend more time on the beautiful grassy knolls of our life’s journey.

Striving for Excellence

Striving for excellence gives us pride in what we do.  Challenging yourself and others to go beyond is contagious!

So, how do we improve? Encouragement helps. Ideas that lead to solutions also help.  

But it’s really about a willingness to come back with ideas again and again despite hearing ‘no.‘ Hearing ‘no’ builds our dignity and builds who we are. If you really believe in growing you must be willing to hear the no’s and still move forward. When you hear no, do not give up. Listen to the comments and then see if there is a need to negotiate—with yourself and with others, in every situation.  Keep coming back to the table with more solutions and ideas to help move the concept forward.

‘No’ lives inside of us all. My friend C., is recently divorced. She knew she would have to step into a different role with her sons – one of strength. She would have to mute the no voice inside of her by giving herself a challenge. She knew her boys loved to hike and so, earlier in the year, she planned a challenging summer in Yosemite hiking one of those trails that reach some 8,000 feet above sea level.  For C., this was daunting yet at the same time, exhilarating. She always preferred to stay home while her family hiked. She knew this was going to be very different for her. She was asking herself to think differently because her circumstances had changed.

Every day, she went to the gym after she dropped her boys at school.  She planned some day and weekend hikes on her own to keep growing. Little did they know that she was making such physical preparations. Even with a full time job, C. creatively plotted new ways to negotiate her schedule in order to accommodate this new commitment.

When it came time for the trek, C. hiked right along with her boys. There was no stopping her! She strived for and achieved excellence – and best of all, she felt such strong self-pride and delivered not only the gift of her presence, but also gave her boys a strong message about reaching goals despite obstacles.  You can change who you are. You can always do more. You can change how you think. You can think harder.  Always remember to believe in your dreams and keep thinking big, strive for excellence and pursue those dreams.

Striving for excellence means hearing ‘no’ and negotiating around it every single time.  It is neither self-rewarding nor self-fulfilling. It always benefits others.